sayslauren

my first published article (!!!)

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 15:39:00 -0500

Keep your eyes peeled for new magazine ‘Duo’ and find my article on teenage pregnancy.

Exciting stuff man.

click this link for an orgasm

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 06:45:00 -0400

click this link for an orgasm

Photo

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 17:20:59 -0400

im a disney pwincess me

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 17:20:22 -0400

im a disney pwincess me

you want some T fool?

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 17:19:37 -0400

you want some T fool?

why is everything so funny today

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 17:19:07 -0400

why is everything so funny today

"RIGHT. Gave up any option of ignoring tumblr & writing a website based blog. Im weak as fuck..."

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 16:47:55 -0400

“RIGHT. Gave up any option of ignoring tumblr & writing a website based blog. Im weak as fuck OKKKK?!”

"why dosent twitter have a colour text option. GAY."

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 16:46:19 -0400

“why dosent twitter have a colour text option. GAY.”

SEX & THE SINGLE GAL [proper copied cosmo there like]

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 16:46:00 -0400

First off I’d like to say thanks to all the people who’ve commented on my posts. Its actually crazy to think that anyone except the people I know have read this stuff. So yeah, thanks

I know, I know, I’ve been away a loooong time.. AGAIN. But I’ve been super duper busy with college. Media is hard! Also, I’ve had a go at making YouTube videos ( http://www.youtube.com/user/DigidaDimm?feature=mhum ) .

I’m gonna do a post on relationships. I’ve just watched the second episode of BBC3′s Tool Academy, (Its occurred to me that yous must think that all I do is watch TV, as I’ve mentioned shows about 6576879868 times on here. That’s not true!.. i also play on the PlayStation ) and its came to mind that as a species, we put up with so much crap from our other halves just to keep them happy/keep them with us. I for one thinks its very sad. Not in a OMIGODDD YOU’RE SO SAD *dirty look*.. i mean in a OMIGAWD girls and boys please stop it. Stop it now!

I’m single, (surprised, right?) and i actually love it. Despite the emotional breakdowns i have at least once a month, covered in Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and singing Celine Dion – All By Myself.. nah i’m joking.. a bit. I love not having to care about how my other half is reacting to what I’m doing. If i want to go out, i can. If i want to flirt, I can. God, if i want to cover myself in jam and throw myself into a mosh pit, I’m guna do it, RIGHT?! And i genuinely love it. Sure, I wouldn’t mind having someone to snuggle up to, go out with, or do.. OTHER relationshippy stuff with.. winky wink, but in my opinion relationships are just too much stress for too little.

Don’t get me wrong, im sure their is PLENTY of couples out there who are just blissfully happy and love their other halves smelly farts, or their toenail clippings on the armchair, but ATM its not for me. For one, i am faaaaaaaaar too jealous. And don’t think I’m proud of it, its a massive pain in the bum to be frank, and no matter how much i try the ‘ee well a don’t evin care aniwaizzzzzz‘ attitude, it doesn’t work. Also, i get bored easily. Very easily. If theirs not something dramatic going on in my relationship, i have a yawn and get the urge to move on. I’m also very high maintenance. God sake, don’t i just seem like the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with or what?

Oh god, also, since I mentioned facebook in my last post, (.. or was it the post before that.. god I’ve been away a long time) I thought it was only right I mention how freekin’ sexist these stupid pages are.

Small selection:

. When a girl cries for a guy, it means she really misses him. But when a guy cries for a girl, it means no one can love that girl more than him!!!

. Guys Have No Clue How Many Things Can Upset A Girl.

. Boyfreinds who DONT text other girls really do love you!<3

like what the hell? I hate that people assume girls are weaker and more emotional than boys. I admit that i can sometimes be an over emotional bag of crying mess, but its not because I’m a girl at all. Its because I’m human. And i know plenty of boys that cry more than any girl I know. Also, the last one is just stupid. Tempted to make one ‘girls who think that their boyfriend really loves them because they don’t text other girls need ran over with a lorry. Relationships are about trust, and if you cant trust your other half to text other girls/guys then you either have a dickhead other half or you’re an utter LOONY TUNE. Wow I’m aggressive tonight.
So, in conclusion to this; I’m very happy with the way things are atm, but if a boy i liked did come along, its not to say I would send him packing. Especially if this boy came in the shape of Aston Merrygold or Russell Howard. One or the other though, I’m thinking a mix of the two would be rather horrible. What i mean to say is that i am not a total relationship cynicalist. Despite what this blog suggests anyway.
Ciao for now, lauren (:

FACEBOOKY

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 16:45:18 -0400

I am very aware that this has been tackled by many bloggers in the past =< but I want a go.

I actually am sometimes one of the stereotypical facebookers that use it to look up exes or spy on people, (jeeeeeeez i sound creepy) but surely that’s normal? The information’s right there.. everybody gives into temptation sometimes.. unless the temptation is taken away by the dreaded BLOCKED PROFILE!!!!!!!!!!.. damn you Mark Zuckerberg..

Another reason I use it?

I AM A SERIAL STATUSER. I would guess it would get pretty annoying actually. Crap, didn’t think about that 8-). owell.

Yes, so I’m a serial statuser. Its not OTT or anything. Nothing like that at all. ‘eyetwitch‘.

I think it probably has something to do with me being increeedddiiiibbbbllyyy gobby. Who am I kidding ‘has something to do with‘. That its everything to do with why I do it. I like to make myself heard, which is good, its expressing yourself hehehehe excuses.

I also upload too many pictures. Well not at the moment. The cable fairy stole my, well, cable. ATM I have 14 albums filled with about bazillion pictures each. Including a really fabulous folder called ‘remember that time‘, which contains pictures from face-in-hole such as my best friends face on Gollums body (I assure you, it’s hilarious) and a picture of Aston Merrygold with my face inserted and me having drinks in a bar. Serious business. And remember Piczo? I broke into my old account and wacked all the pictures of me and my friends being generally as hard as Rocky Balboa. Cough.

HMMMMMMMMMMM whatelsedoidoonfacebook.

check out boys look at my boyfriend profile.. .. .. .. .

Oh god. I think that’s it . I’m on facebook for hours every single solitary DAY and that’s all I do. Freekin hell.

My one complaint? Kids on facebook. My brother has it. And most of his statuses are along the line of ‘Hi‘ or simply ‘fghjfkcvgh‘. Needless to say, I won’t accept his recurring friend request. 15, maaaaaaybe 14 at a stretch year olds could get away with being on facebook without annoying the eyebrows off most people. Anyone below that? Stick to bebo. plzthnx.

OH GOD I thought of another one. Stupid statuses. Yes I do realise I’m a self-confessed status-a-holic but COME ON! We don’t care if ‘Stephanie Smith: LUVZ RYAN SOO MUCH <3 <3 <3′ or if ‘Hugh Brown: is havin’ his tea‘. At least I put effort into mine >:(

Even so, I love facebook. And (apart from ‘do my wicked piczo website’) I seriously can’t think of what else I would do in my free if it didn’t exist (Bloody hell. I need a hobby. And a gym membership..). Thank you Chris Hughes, Dustin Moskovit & Mark Zuckerburg. Thank you for wasting my life on something as fabulous as facebook. Expect a large fruit basket any time now.

ciao for now,

lauren

CELEB TALK

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 16:44:16 -0400

And the theme isssssssssss………. (annoying drum roll sound)

CELEBRITIES.

I had to do something like this for my GCSEs, and it was one of them things where you’re writing away, get out of the exam hall and think, ‘craptastic, it coulda been better’. So here’s my attempt to make it better!

Basically, you had to write about celebrities lifestyles, and how they get all the publicity and weather or not it was a good/bad thing. I went for how it could be both, ..probably the reason I only got a c :O :O :O but I can do it on here, as I’m not getting graded. Only judged and ridiculed </3

I think it really depends on what sort of celebrity you are, and how you carry yourself.

Lets use Britney Spears as an example. Who I actually love by the way, despite all of the hair shaving, breakdowning.. stuff.

Britney has been famous from like the second she developed in the lady department. ♪♪Oops, I did it again and the stuff the did at that time made her MaSsIvE, and her image was young, sexy and happy. I genuinely believe that it was all of the press that made her, well, loopy as anything. It must be hard being in the limelight that much and aswel as having marriage troubles.. or was it relationship troubles? Did she actually marry k-fed? I don’t know. Its beside the point. Jeez. Anyways then she had her breakdown etc, and after that I seriously think she should have just stopped. I did like the stuff she brought out after that. ♪♪Piece of me and ♪♪If You Seek Amy (btw, all that stuff about it actually being F.U.C.K me was pathetic. So what if that was the hidden message. I though it was very clever. So there.) But she looked TERRIBLE. Bless her. She should have stopped. She really, REALLY should have stopped. But, she brought some of the crap she got on herself. Doing stuff *cough* wackingaphotographerwithabrolly*cough* that she obviously knew she was gonna pay for. Come on woman, keep yourself to yourself !!!

Then look at stars like Beyonce Knowles. She has like a million gazzillion bajillion pounds. Her and her husband are the highest earning couple to this day. Fact. And there’s NO drama with her. You never see her falling out of clubs, climbing off boats commando, having ‘Heat’ or whatever taking pictures of her lady bits hmmmmmlindsaylohan. She didn’t even sell her wedding or make a big deal about it hmmmmmmmmkatieandpeter. She makes her money on sole talent, and keeps her personal life exactly what it should be. Personaldurr.

So, I dont think id want to be a celebrity. Not that I couldn’t, with this banging bod and movie star smile. LOLLLLLL. (btw – http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/tm_objectid=15427881&method=full&siteid=50081&headline=mobiles-offer-security-that-comes-at-a-price-name_page.html « THATS ME. With the sexy gappy fringe and gorgeous buck teeth. Told you I coulda made it as a celeb. Possibly a model.. ) because I think it looks more hassle than its worth. I couldn’t be bothered too be careful what I’m doing all of the time. Although, I would be smart enough to wear underwear at all times hmmmmmmmmparishilton.

Hope yous liked this one. Please comment and follow.

lauren

ps: you can add me on yahoo IM, sayslauren@yahoo.co.uk . Thought id get it as everyone else has it. Im always a year late at stuff like this.

TIME TO WINGE [this is way old, from my blog]

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 16:42:44 -0400

People people people. Its been too long. Here are some things I would like to winge about this evening.

Beibs & Gomez

She just needs somebody to lOoOve…

Why’s everyone gotta hate on the black chick? Or the mexican chick.Whatever. Poor Selena was trending on twitter last week and I thought it was so ridiculous. Poor Selena. Shes getting her rocks off with the most desired male on earth atm. Poor Selena. Shes got a figure id kill for. Poor Selena. She makes more money in a week than most of us will in a lifetime. Dont get me wrong, i hate that flippy haired little twat, but death threats to Selena because she stole you’re boyfriend? Really? I myself havent been madly in love with a celebrity before, and that is possibly because im not a sket that has her head in the clouds.(I dare someone to question the fact that im married to Russell Howard on facebook) But if this sounds like something you want to be a part of, make sure to like the facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=247004660860 . Take note of the time and effort gone in to the pure offensive profile picture. Im not going to get stressed about it like many people have (example: IF YEWZ WER HIS REEL FANZ YEWS WUD B HAPPI THT HES HAPPI :@ :’( </3 ) I just think these mega beleibers need to settle down, have a wank and get over it. Quick thanks to JB for getting his hair cut. You look reasonably less like a homo.

Judgement day

Because the bible said so…

Incase you didnt realise, the rapture was upon us on the 21st of May. All the good people went to heaven, and we are currently experiencing a world of hell. What? We’re not? But.. but that woud mean Harold Camping was wrong :S. You mean just like he was wrong in 1994? Whuuuuuuuuuuut?!?!?!! All jokes aside, this seedy little man above had half of the world (including me) shit scared on the 21st of May this year. Let me set the scene: Me, a look of slight terror and extreme coolness expression on my face, sitting in bed with my dog at.. I think it was like 7 o clock or something? .. absoloutley positive that in the next few seconds there would be an earthquake and I would die die die. I felt I could finally relax about quaterpast and joined in with the amounts of facebookers pissing themselfs laughing. Then! DUM DUM DUMMM, it’s been moved to 11pm.. or 1pm. i really cant remember. So yeah, god gave Harold a quick ring and was like ‘Yo big H, i’m setting back the end of the world a few hours. Sorry 4 the delay. Got the mother in law over and she’s got me busy’. Word got round, maybe Harold sent a chain mail or something? I dont know. Anyway. So come that time I was terrified again and when nothing happend I didnt even feel annoyed. I felt happy to be alive. How sad. After a few days the novelty wore off. Apparently come the rapture, Harold had a heart attack. Maybe the panik of being absoloutley 100% right about everything ever got to him. So now nobody knows anything, weather hes dead, alive, up there chillin’ with God. Before I leave this topic, Gods meant to be returning to kill all you sinners sometime in October. Said Harold. So, you know, its probably pretty accurate. See you in HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

Hating on Rebecca Black

TOMORROW IS SATURDAY THEN SUNDAY COMES AFTERWARDDDDDDS, I DONT WANT THIS WEEKEND TO ENDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

I’ve always loved Rebecca Black. Well, except the first time I watched it and I was all: http://www.myfacewhen.com/333/

But once I watched it again, then again, again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again, I loved it. And THEN i was all: http://www.myfacewhen.com/92/ And will continue to love it. But this situation for everyone hating on Rebs remind me so much of the frosties kid advert. Remember? Its gunna taste great, its gunna taste greaaat. How can you not remember -.-? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUKSxsxeBK4 . I loved that too btw. But that kid got so much abuse and death threats he had to get a new identity and everything. Its funny really, you can imagine him bombing into school thinking he’s better than everyone else because he’s pure B.O.M.A with Tony the Tiger. That one backfired. But I can see Rebecca going the same way if people dont SHUSH. ‘She’s nout but a daft little rich kid‘. Ultimate jelousy because she has money and they dont, and she got noticed by making an absoloutley terrible music video and yes, made MORE money. Im happy for her. Like this: http://www.myfacewhen.com/i/522.jpg Maybe she can buy some singing lessons or something. And from this day forward, every friday morning, you will see me sharing this song on my facebook wall and doing a status about having a bowl and having cereal. #1 FAN REBS, ILU. Haters gon’ hate.

Geordie shore

Geordie shore, weyayeeeeeeee.

Tool shore more like. Rememer Geodie pride? Well. thats gone huns. Going to get the obvious winge out the way first and state that Holly isnt even from Newcastle anyway. Moving on, these people are not Geordies. Geordies are fat bald football hooligans that go around nutting people for the sheer thrill. The catchphrases go righttt through me. Al get onnit like a car bonnit. Get in there like swimwear. It rymes but it makes no sense. NO sense. ‘THIS IS A PRAPA GEORDIE WAY TEE GIT REDY YINAH’. Nar, nar it isnt. Thats the way literally everyone gets ready when they’re going somewhere similiar to town. Daft cunt. Why do we even need this show? We where all doing perfectly fine with the Hills (yesss, i know it was all staged. Im not a retard) then I think it was TOWIE? Cant remember what order they came in. But now we have the Hills, TOWIE, Jersey Shore, Geordie Shore, Made in Chelsea and… I dont remember, but really it’s all about the same thing. Follwing some daft cunts around whilst they pretend to have a life. There was no real point in me making this point, because as much as I hate all of them, I will watch the majority of them just so I can winge my tight arse off as much as I want.

imfindingithardtobreathe: norty ;)

Sun, 29 May 2011 09:58:14 -0400

imfindingithardtobreathe:

norty ;)

Photo

Sun, 29 May 2011 09:40:48 -0400

love this cereal type person ting

Thu, 21 Apr 2011 15:46:16 -0400

love this cereal type person ting

Ted knows. Oh, TED knows!

Mon, 18 Apr 2011 18:36:00 -0400

Ted knows. Oh, TED knows!

:(

Mon, 18 Apr 2011 18:15:22 -0400

Do you see what you do? DO YOU SEE?!?!?!

Mon, 18 Apr 2011 18:09:50 -0400

Do you see what you do? DO YOU SEE?!?!?!

50 HAPPY THINGS

Sat, 05 Feb 2011 15:49:41 -0500

Hopefully this will brighten up your day. Also, the reason it’s took me so long is because this one took a whooole lot of editing and changing. Typical fussy me.

1) A bubble bath!

– I actually never have a bath, (i have a shower, i do actually wash..) but when I do it has to be a bubble bath. ULTIMATE stress relief.

2) Getting an email.

– Or facebook inbox. I don’t mean the ‘YOU ARE A WINNER, CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE LOAF OF BREAD!!!!!!!‘ kind. I mean ones off old friends, your ‘crush’, or even someone new.

3) Cuddles.

– Especially long ones in bed, on the sofa, or when its cold

4) The first coffee of the day

– Its beyond me how anyone cannot like coffee. Or wake up without it.

5) Updating your ipod with old songs you forgot about.

– After ‘ABBA night’ at work, I had waterloo and mamma mia on loop for about a month.

6) When the rains pelting against your window, and you’re warm and snuggly in bed.

– I later discovered that some people are scared of this.

7) Finding gorgeous patterns for backgrounds and themes on your laptop/computer.

– Vintage patterns have took over everything on my laptop.

A proper catch up with friends.

– In person or on the phone. Although I don’t think doing it online has the same effect?

9) A McDonalds breakfast before an early start.

– Egg mcmuffin and a cup of coffee can make your long day look 10 times more appealing.

10) Getting sweet texts randomly.

– ‘Goodnight‘ ones are lush also!

11) Finishing the cleaning, sitting down and feeling abs fab about yourself.

– I clean, who knew?

12) A good TV night.

– Mine used to be Thursdays. Everything was on.. now everything is off

13) Getting a random compliment.

– I was in a shop once, and a little old lady told me i looked nice. Put me in a good mood for the rest of the day.

14) RUSSLEHOWARD, RUSSLEHOWARD, RUSSLEHOWARD <33333333333333333333

– By rights he should have been number 1 on this list, but SOME people don’t appreciate the sexiness of a funny man. Mmm.

15) PAYDAY!

– Bonus happiness if you get more than you thought you would

16) Saving up and buying something you’ve wanted for ages.

– One day, I swear I’ll get those wellies.

17) Cuddles off your pet.

– Like my cat. They don’t come often though, she’s very antisocial.

18) Getting ready for a night out.

– I think I like this more than the actual night out. Vain as.

19) Meeting someone you just click with.

– ‘& i opened the door and it was like, CLICK‘ – Joanna, Friends.

20) The butterflies in your stomach when you’re on your way to meet someone special.

– Cheesy I know, but you know I’m right.

21) Having little goals, & completing them.

– When I say little, i mean little. But knowing you’ve completed something is an unbeatable feeling.

22) Talking to someone, and knowing you sound interesting.

– Talking about your ambitions, funny stories and ‘serious matters‘.

23) Having one of those books you cant put down.

- Every. single. Malorie. Blackman. Book. Ever.

24) Taking up writing again.

– That’s right, I’m extremely multi-talented

25) Sunday.

– Basically an international chill day.

Wow, im halfway through and I haven’t struggled once. Maybe I’m allot happier than I thought.

26) Watching your fave film.

– I could watch Love Actually all day, every day. The irony is that I dont actually have it

27) Discovering a new restaurant/bar that you love.

– I think I’m addicted to Gekko.

28) Having something to look forward too.

– Like a holiday, or just a day/night out.

29) Getting rewarded for something.

– I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face when I got awards from work. Its nice to feel appreciated.

30) Having ambitions.

– I WILL publish my own book, I WILL become an editor, I WILL direct&star in at least one film, & I WILL have my own office.

40) Getting mail.

– When I left school I was bombarded with post. Now i get hardly nothing! I miss it.

41) Someone knowing what I’m really thinking/feeling.

– I’m fine ‘your not’.

42) Christmas time.

– I don’t even mean Christmas day specifically. From Late November onwards, everything just seems so much better.

43) Looking through photos.

– Especially ones you cant remember forgot about.

44) Being in the mood where everything is hilarious.

– And having the ‘belly laugh’ where it actually hurts.

45) My mum.

– Not when she’s being super bitch though.

46) ‘Good crack‘ online

-When the conversation just flows.

47) A takeaway.

– Its like a big fat greasy hug.

48) Waking up and realising theirs more time to sleep.

– made even better when you know theirs actually no need for you to get up that day.

49) Finishing off an essay.

– only if you save it properly, as I learned last week </3

50) Going on a shopping spree.

– & coming home and re-looking at your stuff.

Tell me what makes you happy in the comments below?

Ciao for now,

lauren (:

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

Sat, 05 Feb 2011 14:50:59 -0500

my rampant rabbit. wby :)?